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Five Things Men Love About Weddings

April 14th, 2011 | Posted by The Wedding Community in Articles | Guest Articles - (1 Comments)

Cynicism, pah! Cynicism went out with Keyboard Cat and saying “lol!” without meaning it. The new internet hotness is rabid enthusiasm about things and general swooning with delight. So, very much in this spirit and fuelled by cheap caffeine, here’s five things that men absolutely love about weddings! SQUUUUEEAAAAAL!

  1. Finger Buffets
    The finger buffet is a timeless catering roulette. It’s not up everyone’s street, but few aspects of catering are quite as adventurous. Is there egg on that sandwich? Are those crisps mixed? Will the couple have gone the extra mile and have fresh bacon sandwiches brought out at about 9ish?
  2. Under Age Boozing
    Usual booze legalities don’t apply at weddings. Most of us had our first secretive beer at a wedding and there’s nothing quite as heart-warming as seeing an early teenager being sick in a pot plant. A wedding wouldn’t be a wedding without at least a few first time hangovers – welcome to the club kids!
  3. Bells Ringing
    If you want the sound of England just fire up a few church bells. There’s genuinely fewer more triumphant, happier sounds than the echo of Church bells. If you’re having a civil wedding get some bell sounds piped in.
  4. Blokes Obtaining the Football Scores
    The perils of a Saturday afternoon wedding are of course, the inevitable football clash. Brides, be wary of passed around phones, unexpectedly helpful trips to fetch stuff from the car, inappropriate whisperings and mood swings. Just don’t jump up and shout “Yes!” during the vows.
  5. Hats
    Sadly the hat has recently become a much-maligned accessory limited to teenage Goths, Sunday drivers and that one bloke in the village who wears a trilby. Fortunately, a wedding allows for plenty of hat madness, as approved by Cilla Black.
    BONUS: Uncles
    Uncles exist in a vague shadowy world where they flit forever in-between weddings and christenings. At these events they will talk traffic with anyone who strays near enough. Usually good for a round at some point, but will go wildly off-list with a wedding present that you really don’t know what it is.

Article by Andrew Shanahan of I am Staggered

Staggered is the UK’s handsomest men’s wedding blog. Stop by sometime, say hi.

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How to Handle Your Mother-In-Law

March 10th, 2011 | Posted by The Wedding Community in Articles | Guest Articles - (0 Comments)

Did you know that an anagram of mother-in-law is “Woman Hitler”? You can draw your own conclusions on that one. Now, I’m not trying to cause a fuss but recently when we’ve been attending wedding fairs, we’ve had more than a few brushes with the bride’s mother and it’s plain to see that the notion of an interfering mother-in-law is a huge issue for many grooms (and brides). To that end we thought we’d put together a few tips for grooms experiencing their own Woman Hitler moments…

Present a United Front

One of the biggest threats that an interfering mother-in-law presents is that it causes a rift in the relationship between the bride and groom. The groom is getting hacked off because his mother-in-law is actively stopping him from getting involved, but if his bride is close to her mum he might not want to cause a rift by telling her. That’s why it’s important that you discuss the issue with your wife-to-be and tell her exactly why it’s annoying you and reach an agreement on the issue before you act on the situation.

Be Tactful

For many mothers-in-law it seems that her daughter’s wedding is the chance she’s been waiting for to create her dream day. Not to put too fine a point on it, but that’s wayyy wrong. The wedding is about the couple and their relationship. If the mother-in-law wants to help them to create their dream day then that’s great, but she should have absolutely no say in how their relationship is celebrated.

That’s still true even if it’s her husband that’s paying for it (which is increasingly rare). If that’s held over you as a means to let her have her way, then you need to have a serious conversation about whether the cost of the financial support is too great. Again though – it’s all about you and your wife-to-be discussing it and agreeing what you want.

Set Tasks

Weddings are essentially long, long lists of tasks that need to be researched, completed and paid for. That might be stripping away the romance a bit, but you get the point. If you are blessed with a mother-in-law who is desperate to participate then focus her energies. Do not give her carte blanche to meddle.

Be enthusiastic about her help, thank her warmly and then set her a list of tasks. Explain that you are covering tasks A to W and it would be great if she could research (or even do if you trust her) tasks X, Y and Z. This way she knows she’s being helpful (and that you’re grateful) but most importantly of all it tells her exactly where the boundaries are.

Ultimately, in our reader’s experience the majority of people loved their mother-in-law (53% loved, compared to 47% who loathed) but there was enough who had problems to suggest that there’s a reason the groom/mother-in-law relationship is such a staple of sitcoms. Good luck…

Article by Andrew Shanahan of I am Staggered

If you’re needing help with your mothers-in-law then don’t forget to stop by www.iamstaggered.com where you’ll always find a friendly ear and a funny mother-in-law joke.

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Will 2011 Be The Year of the Groom?

December 2nd, 2010 | Posted by The Wedding Community in Articles | Guest Articles - (0 Comments)

It turns out the final straw was the shoes. I was talking to a groom who rang quite out of the blue to rant at someone. We don’t get loads of calls at Staggered, but if you’re canny you can find the telephone number on the site and we quite often have it on our emails, so this one groom called Mark decided to call us.

Mark’s problem was shoes. He’d gone for a fitting for his wedding suit and the guy who was helping him get kitted-up had tutted about lending Mark some shoes. Naturally, this put Mark in a bad mood, “I knew trainers would look stupid with my suit but I just thought I could borrow a pair and when I asked he tutted. It was weird, it made me feel like I was being stupid.”

Now it could just be that Mark was unfortunate enough to come across a guy who was having a bad day. But it serves to illustrate how different the groom and the bride’s experiences of wedding planning can be. For a bride – getting her dress is an empowering, bonding and beautiful experience – for a groom getting the suit that he will wear on the most important day of his life he gets tutted at. Is that fair?

Clearly for legal reasons we couldn’t go with Mark’s initial request which was to write “***************** ARE *****” on the front page of Staggered but we agreed that it was time to do something about the situation facing the modern groom, especially as this isn’t by any means an isolated incident.

We’re absolutely not saying that we want to cheat the bride of the wedding experience – we fully accept that it’s still the bride’s big day. What we think though is that a wedding is about celebrating the beginning of a partnership – and that begins with respecting both sides of the couple – the bride and the groom. If the wedding isn’t an inclusive and equal celebration then what does that say about the beginning of the important bit: the marriage?

Every month I am genuinely privileged to get to communicate with tens of thousands of men who are excited about their weddings, but many of them are reserved about communicating how they feel because they are made to feel that it’s somehow a bit weird that they’re excited. These men are committed, passionate, excited, emotional and engaged with their weddings and with their wives, they don’t approach weddings in the same way or get excited about the same things but it’s just as important to them as it is to the bride. Don’t take my word for it – go and read Dan’s blog and meet a modern groom for yourself. What they need is for people to accept that they are there and not try and work around them, tolerate them or worst of all dismiss them and their ideas.

On behalf of men like Mark and Dan we are asking the wedding industry as a whole to look at how they interact with grooms and appraise whether they could do more to engage with them. We’ve already had some great discussions with wedding fairs – many of whom are looking to increase their content for grooms in 2011 and that’s brilliant, we’ve also had word about some interesting new wedding-related TV programmes that don’t disgracefully redact the groom like programmes such as Living TV’s Four Weddings does.

So if you run a wedding business we’d be very grateful if you’d take a look at this and accept our challenge to make 2011 the Year of the Groom.

Article by Andrew Shanahan of I am Staggered

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Men Crying at Weddings

September 15th, 2010 | Posted by The Wedding Community in Articles | Guest Articles - (0 Comments)

Men – we’re surprisingly complex beasts you know? You women look at us and just see the oil-stained hands, our knowledge of football trivia and the leering at women we do as we drive past them on the street, but you completely overlook the fact that beneath these crunchy, sexist outer layers there lies a chewy, emotional centre. Sometimes us men are just big girls in shiny shoes and nowhere is this more apparent than at a wedding, where we can finally let ourselves go. Like these colossal jessies.

Ok, this bloke might be taking the whole emotion thing a bit too far. From the opening seconds where you think you’re going to witness him upchucking his pre-wedding G&T to the stomping and restraining, you do wonder just how eager he is to get on with the whole first night thing…Glory indeed.

All the women in the congregation are sighing and wishing they had a man who could be as open and emotionally honest as this groom. All the men are counting down the seconds until they can laugh straight in his big teary face. His bride dabbing his tears away with a little silk hankie just makes the whole thing unbearable.

Meh. Not so sure about this one. The whole massed audience, the cameras and his pre-prepared speech make us wary that he’s faking it. We’re not going to come right out and say sociopathic tendencies but we’re all thinking it.

Article by Andrew Shanahan of I am Staggered

If you want more wedding related nonsense then you should stop by the Staggered forum where we spend countless hours scouring the internet for funny wedding stuff, like brides and grooms falling over and best men falling into cakes.

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5 Essential Things For The Father of the Bride

August 20th, 2010 | Posted by The Wedding Community in Articles | Guest Articles - (0 Comments)

There seems to be a general feeling that the Father of the Bride is often the forgotten man of the wedding planning process. The feeling is that you’re probably experienced enough to cope with the nerves and tough enough to cope with the emotions. But that’s why we often end up feeling sorry for the FOTB (you’ve even got the worst wedding acronym for crying out loud) and decided to round-up some essential advice for all the dads out there prior to the big day.

  1. Deal With The Nerves Before They Ruin It
    It’s perfectly natural and acceptable for you to feel nervous. Nerves about the ceremony and speeches are in the top three subjects that fill the Staggered inbox. Fortunately, both can be cured with some simple preparation. Write and practice your speech at least a month in advance of the big day and do everything you can to make it to the church rehearsal as this will give you an idea of where to stand and when.
  2. Speeches Are Easy When You Prepare
    You can find way more information on Staggered about wedding speeches but this is it in a nutshell. Between 5 and 8 minutes, less is more, stand straight, don’t mumble and speak from the heart. Always write your speech in full (never “wing it”), because even if you don’t use it you’ve always got it in case you need it. Give a copy to your daughter for the wedding memory box. The Father of the Bride welcomes the guests, sets the tempo, welcomes his new family members and talks about his daughter without embarrassing her!
  3. It Will Be Emotional – Get Ready
    Blokes and emotions are never a good mix, for the simple reason that we’re often a bit slower at dealing with them and how they affect us. Take some time before the wedding to talk to your daughter about the wedding and what she means to you. Too many men think they’ll come out with the perfect speech in the car on the way to the church and end up feeling that they never quite explained how they feel – or worse: end up at the church a sobbing mess!
  4. How To Deal With The Money
    The good news is that this generation are getting married later, the bad news being that they’re living with their parents longer. As a result more of them are paying for their own wedding. If you’re still footing the bill and you find that the wedding is placing too much of a burden on your finances then make it clear that costs need to be cut. Everyone wants a perfect wedding, but no one wants that to come at the expense of a stressed dad. Also there are thousands of resources out there on how to get a champagne wedding on beer prices, use them!
  5. Plan Your Advice
    As with the emotions, this is another topic that should be tackled in advance of the big day. It’s tradition that you pass on some advice – whether that’s in your speech or just in passing. This is a big thing both for the bride and the groom and many people remember for their whole lives what was said to them at this point. So make it wise, make it original and make it something personal. Think about your marriage: what have you learned? What can you say that will improve these young people’s chance of happiness? But remember, no pressure…


www.iamstaggered.com is the UK’s leading men’s wedding website.

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Picking Your Best Man

July 7th, 2010 | Posted by The Wedding Community in Articles | Guest Articles - (0 Comments)

One of the few wedding jobs going that is emphatically the groom’s responsibility is choosing the best man. Now that doesn’t mean that certain people *cough* the bride-to-be *cough* might not offer an opinion or two on who it should be, but they ultimately know that the best man is as serious as male friendships get and therefore they should back the heck off. We’re not going to join the roster of people queuing up to tell you who to pick, but we do have some advice.

Pick with your heart, not your head

What the bride wants is for you to pick someone who won’t take you to a strip club on your stag do. She wants you to pick someone who will say disarmingly charming things during his speech. She wants someone who looks good in a suit and won’t spend the reception at the bar chanting: “CHUG! CHUG! CHUG!” with their pants on their head. In essence, the bride wants you to pick your grandmother. The guy you’re thinking of choosing might fit the above description, or they may be a rogue of the first water. Just remember that you’re picking your best man on the qualities of deep friendship, of shared experiences and, damn it all – on love. Go with your heart.

Don’t pick a woman

You’re angry aren’t you? You’re thinking – “How dare they, women can be just as much a best friend to a man as a man can.” Well, that’s a debate for another time (as is the old When Harry Met Sally men can’t be friends with women because sex gets in the way discussion. However, the reason you can’t pick a woman is simple: the bride. No matter how ugly your female friend is and how Platonic the friendship, there will always be a part of the bride burning with jealousy that another woman is a closer friend to you than she can be. And you’re going to make her feel like that on her wedding day. Bite the bullet and ditch the gal pal.

Don’t pick two best men

The two best men scenario is just wrong. The speeches go on forever, the stag dos are a planning nightmare and the photos look weird. All of this just because you can’t admit to your best friends that you like one more than the other. You are not six-years-old. If you cannot tell your adult male friends that you want one to be a best man and one to be the usher without the dissolution of your holy friendship trinity then there’s something wrong. Grow a backbone and choose.

Don’t pick a dog

That’s even worse than picking two best men. If your best friend is a dog then you need therapy.

You can’t say no

It’s weird but we get *a lot* of best men emailing us who are struggling with their speech because they know practically nothing about the groom. We should probably be explaining that you can sensitively say no to a bloke if he asks you to be his best man, but you can’t really, can you? If someone asks you to be a best man, you pretty much have to take the role. You’d just have to do it and be the best man you possibly could be.

So who are you going to pick?

Article by Andrew Shanahan of I am Staggered

Staggered is the UK’s leading men’s wedding website. At his wedding the editor had four female Alsatian dogs as his best men. None of them wanted to take the role but they all felt it was better to do it and not say anything.

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Five Easy Stag Fancy Dress Ideas

June 30th, 2010 | Posted by The Wedding Community in Articles | Guest Articles - (0 Comments)

Something weird happens to blokes when you get a group of them together for an event, such as a stag-do. It usually only takes about four beers before someone will suggest that rather than just meeting up, having a drink and a chat and then going home, that the whole thing would go better if they wore weird costumes. Stag fancy dress is one of the more extreme examples of this, with guys going to great lengths to make sure they stick out. What if you can’t be bothered though and want a simple solution? Here are five lightning quick costumes.

  1. Ninjas
    Granted it might be a bit of an issue when you combine a group of blokes with beer and an incentive to practice amateur martial arts, but if you fancy living on the wild side, then this article shows you how to create an amazing ninja look, then all you need is a pair of black pyjamas and you’re set.
  2. Moustaches
    This one is actually a brilliant way of breaking the ice on a stag-do. You might get a bit of complaining from the people who have real jobs, but generally speaking you should be ok. There’s not even a costume to wear – all you have to do is grow a moustache for a month before the do, then on the night you sport the most magnificent ‘tache you can muster. Bristly!
  3. Mummies
    The one your mum always used to pull out of the bag for last minute parties. You get a load of bandages and wrap them around yourself. Bonus points for going naked underneath. It’s so simple, but it can all go horribly wrong so make sure any smokers in your group keep the lighters under control.
  4. Borat
    Yes it’s a cliché, yes it’s been done a thousand times before, but twinned with a nice sensible pair of socks and brogues, there’s still something hilarious about squeezing the groom into one of the iconic lime green mankinis. Do it as a group effort and you’ll be the talk of the town.
  5. Nuns
    Not so hilarious when you do this abroad in a staunch Catholic country, but men dressed as nuns has been fuelling the British comedy industry for decades and it’s not going to stop being funny now. Have a look at this for some simple instructions, just don’t get into the habit of it. Like a nun’s habit, you see? It’s a joke. Ok.

Article by Andrew Shanahan of I am Staggered

Staggered isn’t just about stag night fancy dress you know. There’s loads of proposal ideas and mens wedding suits too. Stop by and say hi if you’re passing.

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A Guide to Teeth-Whitening

June 18th, 2010 | Posted by The Wedding Community in Articles | Guest Articles - (1 Comments)

It’s all well and good for the Americans to poke fun at our standard of dentistry, but when you clap eyes on some of the ultra-bright gnashers they display you wonder whether you wouldn’t sometimes prefer the occasional snaggle-tooth. Ok, maybe not. There’s one thing that we can all agree on though and that’s that stained teeth are a bit grim. If you’re sorting your teeth before your wedding here’s a quick guide to some of the ways you can get pearly whites.

Whitening toothpaste

WHERE: At home
COST: A few quid
TIME: Long term
METHOD: It’s as easy as brushing your teeth.
EFFECT: Subtle. It’s just your regular toothpaste but with added chemicals, abrasives and polishing agents, so it provides extra stain removal but won’t actually change the natural colour of your teeth. Even the most effective toothpastes will only lighten teeth by one shade on the chart, so it’s not the option for a quick, pre-wedding fix.
RISKS: Products that include pumice may cause damage to the enamel.

Whitening gel

WHERE: At home
COST: £20ish
TIME: Two weeks
METHOD: A gel applied twice a day directly to the teeth. The magic ingredient peroxide ensures decent results.
EFFECT: More noticeable than the toothpaste thanks to the peroxide. Yay peroxide! It is a bit poisonous though. Boo peroxide.
RISKS: Gum irritation. Unsupervised dental fiddling. You wouldn’t do your own fillings, would you?

Whitening strips

WHERE: At home
COST: £30ish
TIME: Two weeks
METHOD: Similar to the gel, but more convenient. These thin strips coated with a whitening gel are applied twice daily for 30 minutes a time.
EFFECT: You’ll see results within a few days, and the whitening effect lasts for around four months. Perfect for a pre-wedding pick me up, because she’s stuck with you when your pegs go yellow again.
RISKS: As with the gel.

Tray-based whitening

WHERE: At home
COST: Around £90
TIME: Up to four weeks
METHOD: A plastic tray is filled with a whitening solution and fitted around the teeth for a couple of hours a day or overnight.
EFFECT: Pretty good, but still not approaching a professional finish due to restrictions on the chemicals involved in the UK. Kits bought from outside the UK may contain nasties like acids and be aware that if the tray is an ill fit, results may be patchy.
RISKS: The tray won’t be fitted especially for your teeth, so there may be some discomfort. Risk of gum irritation, gum discolouration, blistering in the mouth and sensitive teeth. To minimise the risk, look for the British Dental Health Foundation approved logo on the product.

Professional bleaching

COST: £400
TIME: Up to four weeks
METHOD: Tray-based as above, but less risky. The tray will be made specially from an impression of your teeth and a protective gel or guard will be provided to protect the gums.
EFFECT: Hollywood white. The dentist will be able to use a more powerful bleaching agent for better results.
RISKS: Minimal, thanks to the involvement of the professionals.

Power whitening

COST: £700
TIME: One hour! It’s the quick fix option.
METHOD: A rubber dam is put over the gums, gel is painted on the teeth and lasers are shone on the teeth to activate the chemical. It’s like Star Wars IN YOUR MOUTH!
EFFECT: Hello Simon Cowell! No, stop, please, I’m going snow-blind. In dentist’s terms, it’s up to five or six shades lighter.
RISKS: Sensitive teeth, sore throat, white patches on gums, blinding your bride with your teeth.

Article by Andrew Shanahan of I am Staggered

Staggered is the UK’s leading men’s wedding website and the perfect place to find proposal ideas, stag do pranks and  stag do ideas, mens wedding suits and wedding speeches. We can even tell you about how to shave.

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What Terrifies Men About Weddings

June 10th, 2010 | Posted by The Wedding Community in Articles | Guest Articles - (0 Comments)

On first inspection you’d probably think a wedding would rank somewhere between, “Small girl with ice-cream” and “parcel delivery” on your average bloke’s internal list of terrifying situations to be confronted with. But when you start to break it down the Big Day contains a number of situations that rank wayyyyy higher on the Terrifying-O-Meter; perhaps even somewhere between “Rooney broken bone” and “getting things caught in zips.” So what is it that’s giving your groom, best man or father of the bride a nasty case of wedding nerves?

Walking down the aisle

Sounds stupid doesn’t it? The bride’s the one who has to do the aisle-walking dressed in the big frock and pokey shoes and yet the father of the bride is the one who’s sweating over it. Why? Well mostly because it’s his big moment. All those eyes turn towards him, he has to stick to that weird slow-walk rhythm and he knows that at the end of the aisle he has to hand his daughter over to some spotty oik he’s only met twelve times.

How to combat: Practice makes perfect on the walk and try to have the big, “You know I’ll always love you Dad” talk a month or so before, not in the car on the way to the church.

Saying his vows right

I do, just two little words that give men more problems than nearly any other. In this case though it’s not the weight of the ceremony or the pressures of commitment that petrify him, it’s the sheer bloody simplicity. Someone says the words and you just have to repeat them, that’s easy! Exactly, so you’d be really stupid if you messed them up wouldn’t you?

How to combat: Get hold of the text of the wedding ceremony you’ll be using and go through it a few weeks before. You can even practice if you like. Then it’s up to the registrar or vicar to put you at ease. Fortunately, they’re nearly all very good at their job and if you schedule in a meeting a few weeks before then they’ll help put you at ease.

Wedding speeches

This one is perhaps the most understandable. After all, writing a wedding speech is difficult enough when you consider the formalities and the etiquette you need to observe, and that’s before you factor in that it’s supposed to be eloquently emotional (the groom/father of the bride) or effortlessly entertaining (best man). Twin that with most people’s natural hatred of public speaking and you’ve got the perfect storm of fear.

How to combat: If they’re struggling to write it send them to a professional speechwriter like Burn The Toast or Great Speech Writing for help with their speeches for weddings. Alternatively, move the speeches to before the dinner, restrict everyone to toasts only or cancel them altogether.

Commitment

Ahhh, where would the romantic comedy genre be without this old trope, that secretly men fear the idea of living with a woman more than they fear sharks, fire, or sharks on fire? It’s almost unheard of for men to actually act anything like the male characters from Friends. The closest most men will ever get to the commitment question is when one of their more laddish mates says, “You know that means you can only sleep with one woman for the rest of your life?” A question that’s easy to contend with because the friend in question last had sex in 2001.

How To Combat: Ignore it. He’s bought the ring and gone down on one knee, he’s not about to flit now.

Confetti

It’s evil stuff.

How to combat: Fire.

Article by Andrew Shanahan of I am Staggered

Staggered is the UK’s leading men’s wedding website and the perfect place to find proposal ideas, stag do pranks and  stag do ideas, mens wedding suits and wedding speeches. We can even tell you about lolcat proposals.

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The Ties That Bind

June 3rd, 2010 | Posted by The Wedding Community in Articles | Guest Articles - (0 Comments)

Ties. Actually, let’s narrow things down a bit: wedding ties. Actually, I’m in a digressive mood so let’s start not with ties but with handfasting. Did you know that in different cultures (notably European and pagan cultures) the idea of marriage was represented not just with tiny Shepherds Pie canapés and exorbitantly expensive dresses but by tying the hands of the bride and groom together. Cool, huh?

Often each of the guests was asked to secure a cord around the couples’ joined hands to symbolise not just their togetherness, but the guests’ complicity in joining them together. I think that’s lovely, and just think, if you’re really angry with how much you’ve had to pay for your hotel you could tie your cord really tight, constrict the blood flow in their hands and laugh as their hands dropped off. That’ll teach them to not block book the local Travelodge. Anyway, if you’re interested, here’s a handfasting ceremony you might like to try out when you’ve got five minutes spare.

Ok, I’m done digressing. Wedding ties and specifically how to tie them is one of the things that as a groom you’ll probably not think of until the morning of the wedding. At which point knowing how to tie a cravat, or execute the perfect Four In Hand will make you the coolest Mother Hubbard in the room. So here presented via the wonder of YouTube is exactly that. By the way, if you’re stuck for ideas about wedding ties then you really need to go and see Swagger & Swoon, amazing service and a very high quality product for a bloody reasonable price.

How To Tie A Cravat

How To Tie A Windsor Knot

How To Tie A Bow Tie

One final piece of digressive trivia for you – did you know that mathematically speaking there are 85 ways to tie a tie? The mind boggles.

Article by Andrew Shanahan of I am Staggered

Have you heard of Staggered? It’s the UK’s leading men’s wedding website and the perfect place to find proposal ideas, stag do pranks and  stag do ideas, mens wedding suits and wedding speeches. We can even tell you about bacon tuxedos.

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