Groom and best man

Picking Your Best Man

One of the few wedding jobs going that is emphatically the groom’s responsibility is choosing the best man. Now that doesn’t mean that certain people *cough* the bride-to-be *cough* might not offer an opinion or two on who it should be. But they ultimately know that the best man is as serious as male friendships get, and therefore they should back the heck off. We’re not going to join the roster of people queuing up to tell you who to pick, but we do have some advice.

Groom and best man

Pick with your heart, not your head

What the bride wants is for you to pick someone who won’t take you to a strip club on your stag do. She wants you to pick someone who will say disarmingly charming things during his speech. She wants someone who looks good in a suit and won’t spend the reception at the bar chanting: “CHUG! CHUG! CHUG!” with their pants on their head. In essence, the bride wants you to pick your grandmother.

The guy you’re thinking of choosing might fit the above description, or they may be a rogue of the first water. Just remember that you’re picking your best man on the qualities of deep friendship, of shared experiences and, damn it all – on love. Go with your heart.

Don’t pick a woman

You’re angry aren’t you? You’re thinking – “How dare they. Women can be just as much a best friend to a man as a man can.” Well, that’s a debate for another time (as is the old When Harry Met Sally men can’t be friends with women because sex gets in the way discussion).

However, the reason you can’t pick a woman is simple: the bride. No matter how ugly your female friend is and how Platonic the friendship, there will always be a part of the bride burning with jealousy that another woman is a closer friend to you than she can be. And you’re going to make her feel like that on her wedding day. Bite the bullet and ditch the gal pal.

Don’t pick two best men

The two best men scenario is just wrong. The speeches go on forever, the stag dos are a planning nightmare and the photos look weird. All of this just because you can’t admit to your best friends that you like one more than the other. You are not six-years-old. If you cannot tell your adult male friends that you want one to be a best man and one to be the usher without the dissolution of your holy friendship trinity then there’s something wrong. Grow a backbone and choose.

Don’t pick a dog

That’s even worse than picking two best men. If your best friend is a dog then you need therapy.

You can’t say no

It’s weird but we get *a lot* of best men emailing us who are struggling with their speech because they know nothing about the groom. We should probably be explaining that you can sensitively say no to a bloke if he asks you to be his best man. But you can’t really, can you? If someone asks you to be a best man, you pretty much have to take the role. You’d just have to do it and be the best man you possibly could be.

So who are you going to pick?

Article by Andrew Shanahan

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